return my video game
my phone needs a breathalizer
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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