"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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