yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
