Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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