I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
