She's JV to your varsity
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
