this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
