PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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