We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You don't make any sense
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