'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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