So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
