what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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