We won't sleep together?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
