i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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