Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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