I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
