Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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