He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
that may or may not have been my penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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