They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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