considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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