So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
