I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
