she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
