When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
