1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
