Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
