Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
