Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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