he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
