There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
