Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
