He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
