you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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