it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
