I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
