Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
