i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
