I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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