my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
