whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
