Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
