quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
