I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
