I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
