OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
