I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
