I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
