goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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