...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
