dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
